A Budding Lily
by TheSatinAngel
Summary: Lily begins to worry about her sanity when she realizes that she might have feelings for James Potter.


A Budding Lily

A soft blanket of snow had fallen, leaving everything looking pallid and new. The entire world seemed silent as the fresh whiteness muffled the normal sounds of day. The sun was just departing and when the light hit the ground just right, everything exploded in sparkles.

Lily sighed and let the curtain drop back to its original setting. If only life could be as simple as the beautiful snow. She glanced at the clock and accepted the fact that her roommates would be coming up to bed soon. As much as she loved her friends, she really wasn't in the right state of mind to participate in their mindless chatter. She had her own thoughts and emotions to wrestle with.

She flopped onto her bed and closed the hangings around it, deciding to pretend to be asleep. Eventually she heard the happy clatter of her four friends coming into the room all breathless with laughter.

"Did you see Sirius' face?" laughed a girl, who Lily recognized as Marlene McKinnon.

"Yep!" came Alice's giggle. "He'll never tease you again, Dorcus!"

Lily listened with mild interest to the story. Sirius Black, infamous for being a prankster, had been teasing Dorcus Meadows for the longest time. It was probably just because she was pretty, but the girls, including Lily, had enjoyed plotting revenge anyway.

"Lily! Where were you? You missed it!" came a voice, flinging open her curtains, and Lily immediately feigned sleep.

"Shh! She's sleeping," whispered Alice, and the girls all got quiet and continued to get ready for bed. But Lily heard the muffled muttering of '…no fun' or '…now a bore', and felt sick to her stomach for deceiving them.

"So what are you going to do about your Transfiguration grade, Marlene?" asked Dorcus, after a while.

"Oh, I got a tutor," she said, in a would be casual voice.

"Who?" was the general question asked by all.

"James Potter," she said with a mischievous grin, and all the girls squealed and giggled.

Sicken with herself over the sudden surge of jealousy that had coursed through her at those words, Lily covered her ears with the pillow to block out the girl's gushes and admiration. Since when had Lily cared about James Potter? Even had feelings toward him? _Since you kept the annual Valentine rose he gave you,_ came a taunting voice in her ear. Lily shook her head violently, trying to clear it away.

It was a horrible feeling to wake up and realize that you had a crush on someone you were supposed to despise. She hated herself for wanting to catch him watching her, and it was even worse was when she caught herself watching him…

It was so much easier just to simply hate him in peace. But now that she actually got to know him a little, and see that person behind all the arrogance and pride, it was harder to simply go on with life.

But why did it have to be James Potter? Why couldn't she be falling for someone kind and sweet? Why did it have to be Sirus' prankster-in-crime and notorious male for "wooing" ladies? It made no sense. Lily was a sensible girl; how could she have anything to do with this rogue? Maybe it was just something like an early mid-life crisis? She was suddenly yearning for a more spontaneous and exciting life. It would soon pass over and she could go on with life.

Hopefully.

She had a sudden aching in her heart and knew that this wouldn't just simply pass over. Maybe she could just provoke him to do something unforgivable, and be able to go on hating his memory in peace.

The only problem was that she didn't want just a memory of him. And she definitely didn't want to hate him anymore. She was tired of all their petty arguments and wanted to see more of the person she had only seen a glimpse of. That kind, compassionate and brave soul she thought was hidden deep inside. If only she wasn't worried about battering her pride, Lily could simply just walk up to him, and strike up a conversation, if only James wouldn't be so shocked that he just stared back dumbly.

Ugh. Boys were so complicated.

Lily rolled over and covered her face in the pillow and screamed silently into the muffled softness. And then she knew. She knew that she could never forget what she had already learned. She could never let go of the memories she had created. But now the question was what she was going to do with the time she had been given. She could be miserable, never knowing what might have happened, or she could take a risk, and maybe make the best choice of her life.

She grinned in spite of herself, and lay back on her back with her hands behind her head. She knew that maybe she would be laughed at, but she didn't care about that, in fact she was probably a little used to be, being a muggleborn. And hey, if it turned out right, then it would definitely be worth it.


End file.
